“When you sit down to meditate you will find yourself assailed by thoughts; thoughts about what you need to do later in the day, thoughts about things that that worry you, thoughts about things you want or don’t want. The moment that you attempt to pay attention to your breath or to the sound of the wind in the trees, you will meet your mind and your mind is the most rambling, chaotic, needling, insulting, insufferable person you will ever meet. It is like having some maniac walk through the front door of your house and follow you from room to room and refuse to stop talking.” Sam Harris - The Veil of Thought
Does this sound familiar? This is very familiar to me. This quote came from Sam Harris’s lecture “The Veil of Thought’ available on the ‘Waking Up’ App. I felt a huge sense of relief and I smiled to myself when I heard this. My mind is the most rambling and chaotic partner at times, not to mention needling and insulting! More often this way than the alternative of calm, peaceful and open. However through years (about 10 now) of yoga, meditation, dance and body work I have increased my ability to find mental quiet and attune myself to my breath. We all have senses that are profoundly astute and evolved for thousands of years to map our world: site, touch, taste, smell and movement. Activating these subtle and powerful receptors is a relief. Finally, these functions get some air time when the mind is quiet and relaxed. Even the chatterbox part of the brain seems to enjoy being stunned to silence while the body takes the stage; welcome in the moment of respite that is worth even the second that it might last.
Some days it is near impossible for me to activate these responses and the chatter overrides all; the playing out of scenarios and fantasies in my head is all consuming. It is a discipline to quieten the mind and I mean that in every sense of the word. It is not only a branch of knowledge that is required in order to attempt this but also it is a training that requires obedience. The idea of discipline sounds harsh, and evokes an automatic response in me of rebellion! I think of another’s rules and dogma. However, discipline is not synonymous with punishment even though that two are associates and it does not need to be from the other. There need be no judgement or cruelty if you mind doesn’t succeed in quietening down or paying attention to some other stimuli. The discipline element comes in to play in terms of commitment to yourself because no one else is going to do try this for you, make the time for you, or even remind you to practise quietening your mind, or punish you. The rewards of meditation speak volumes through silence and everyone is capable and everyone could benefit if only they have the disciple to take the time. The time required is anything from 6 to 10 minutes in the introductory Waking Up program.
I used to think that successful meditation was the absence of thought and that I was terrible at it and getting no better. Now I understand that thoughts will come whatever I do. Through meditation I am able to be aware of the thoughts, their patterns and nature. What is the nature, what is my chattering mind generating? Can it be scrutinised? Does it even need to be? How short lived are thoughts!? I once got so stuck on all these questions that I gave up the meditation all together, completely defeating the point of the whole practise. The brain took over. This amuses me somewhat now.
In conclusion here is a note to myself; To the stream of consciousness in my head that runs into the the river of thought and feeds into the lake of possibility and the ocean of infinity that will flow through me all of my life, you drive me mad! You are the source of all my best ideas and my worst nightmares, you are the source of me and you really make me cross and make me laugh. I have no idea where you start, I have an idea of where you will end, but not when, and for all the time and space in-between coupled with the expanse of unchartered territory that lies ahead all I can hope is to know you better and find greater tolerance for you (however insufferable and needling you are!) To quote Socrates, ‘know thyself’. I agree with Socrates here and if I make the effort to examine my life, both the internal and the external, I will have a sense of who I am why I behave in the ways that I do and how I actually want to be. Being a body worker always brings me back to the experience of the body. The wise and wonderful vessel that carries this scatty chatterbox as a tiny part of a much larger, wiser, quieter infrastructure. Through Chi Nei Tsang I find a relationship to the older, wiser organs of the body. They too have a language and a pace but they do not communicate through thought, consequently they are easy to ignore. Paying closer attention to their needs and their language brings me closer to the truth of my lived experience. Therapeutic massage brings me close to the skeletal structural, the bones the muscles and the tendons who work tirelessly to meet my demands. They are so grateful when pay them the attention that they deserve.
How are you experiencing your mind and body?
If you are interested to know more about Sam Harris and the Waking Up App follow this link or do get in contact with me as I may be able to send you a month’s free trial.
https://wakingup.com/